Why is Grandpa’s foot always in his mouth at family lunch?

(Honestly….the only thing that is tougher to swallow are his antiquated opinions).

There’s a special moment at every family gathering: the roast is carved, the wine is poured, and Grandpa leans back in his chair, sighs, and says something that makes every Millennial and Gen Z relative want to slide under the tablecloth.

He doesn’t mean harm. He’s just quoting the world as it was, circa 1958. But what once passed for small talk now sounds like a lawsuit in waiting.

Take the threats of discipline.
Back then: “You’re asking for a hiding.” or  “You’ll get a clip over the ear if you keep that up.”
Now: “You’ll lose Wi-Fi privileges.”
Grandpa thinks a smack is a sign of love. His grandkids think losing TikTok is cruel and unusual punishment. Everyone’s traumatised, just in different fonts.

Or the everyday workplace sexism.
Back then: “The girls in the office will sort that out.”
Now: “The admin team will handle it.”
Because, shockingly, the “girls” in question are 55, have MBAs, and don’t appreciate being grouped with Barbie.

And then there are the cultural gems.
Back then: “That Oriental place does a good feed.”
Now: “The Thai restaurant is excellent.”
The only thing that should be described as “Oriental” is a rug. Try telling Grandpa that without him muttering about “political correctness gone mad.”

The real kicker? Punishments once worn as parental badges of honour are now parenting crimes of war.
Back then: “Go to bed without dinner.”
Now: “Let’s eat first and talk it through.”
Because a hangry child is not a teachable child; they’re just a future podcast guest with a trauma story.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: older people often don’t know they’re saying the wrong thing. They’re running on linguistic muscle memory. You can explain patiently, correct gently, or—if you’re really brave—record them and submit it as content for your sibling’s group chat.

Language, like fashion, dates quickly. Just as shoulder pads and perms should stay in the 1980s, so should phrases like “Boys will be boys.” Updating your vocabulary isn’t about being “woke.” It’s about not sounding like you’ve been frozen in amber since the Whitlam years.

So next time Grandpa slips, take a breath. He doesn’t need cancelling. He just needs a translator.