Older people are at risk of being groomed

It sent a chill down our spines: a grandmother from Western Australia ended up in a Tokyo jail after being caught smuggling drugs. She was the victim of a romance scam, groomed by a calculating criminal who saw this trusting woman not as a future bride, but as a convenient mule and meal ticket. He love-bombed her into carrying two kilograms of methamphetamine into Japan.
When something like this can happen to a grandmother simply seeking love, you have to ask: who can you really trust? If you think people in her position should “know better,” think again. Last year alone, Australians aged over 55 lost around $12 million to romance scams.
This modest grandmother was groomed by a heartless predator—posing as a modern-day Lothario and hypnotising her with his words. She saw him as the romantic dream she had always craved. He saw her as an easy payday.
Let’s be clear: grooming has nothing to do with haircare. It’s a dangerous form of elder financial abuse with potentially devastating consequences. And it goes far beyond romance scams. Grooming is about manipulation, deceit and exploitation.
Lonely or older people with money or assets are especially vulnerable to the charms of skilled groomers. Whether you’re a celebrity, streetwise, or have an IQ that makes Einstein look average—anyone can be susceptible. Just think of how often you’ve almost paid a scam invoice before catching yourself in time.
Grooming is difficult to detect. Groomers use a sophisticated mix of psychological manipulation and emotional conditioning, often over weeks, months, or even years. Victims are frequently too embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to report it.
These predators are masters of telling you exactly what you want to hear.
If it’s love you crave, they’ll romance you—promising an idyllic future while quietly counting their returns. If you’re lonely, they’ll pose as your most loyal friend. They’ll take you to medical appointments, run errands, and listen to your stories—while worming their way into your heart, your bank account, and sometimes even your will.
One groomer, a married man with four children, even posed as bisexual to befriend Nicholas, a wealthy but closeted older gay man. This groomer routinely extracted money under various pretences—rent, a car purchase, frequent car repairs, and even overseas family visits. Nicholas, a kind and generous soul, fell deeply in love with him and fiercely defended him whenever anyone raised concerns.
No matter how obvious the deception was to others, Nicholas could not see the truth: this scheming predator was simply riding his coattails to the bank. For the groomer, it was just a job. He stuck around long enough to collect a tidy sum from Nicholas’s estate—then vanished without a trace.
Groomers carefully select their targets. They play the long game, building trust slowly and waiting for the right moment to convince their victim to invest, lend, or give away money or assets. Their approach is patient, determined, and always self-serving.
🚩 Signs an Older Person May Be a Victim of Grooming
- A new friend appears suddenly, sharing eerily similar interests or background stories. No one in the older person’s circle has ever heard mention of them before.
- They withdraw from social circles or make excuses to avoid seeing loved ones.
- They become evasive or hard to contact.
- Their personality or mood shifts—such as becoming withdrawn or anxious, especially around money.
- They may try to hide bruises or injuries, if there is also physical abuse involved.
- The groomer exerts tight control, making it hard for others to speak to the older person alone.
- The groomer ingratiates themselves into family and friend groups to appear trustworthy.
- The older person becomes defensive when asked about the relationship.
- Unusual financial behaviour appears—such as handing over large sums of cash, frequent transfers, or extravagant, unexplained gifts.
- The groomer takes a deep interest in the person’s finances, escalating from managing household budgets to discussing wills and inheritances.
- The groomer disappears or becomes cold if the money runs out.
If you suspect someone you love is being groomed, trust your instincts—you’re probably right. Don’t let this insidious form of elder abuse go unchecked. Educate yourself about financial abuse, gather your evidence, try to raise your concerns with your loved one, and report it. You can call the police on 000.
If you are being groomed or financially abused, please don’t be embarrassed. Don’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Reach out to the National Elder Abuse Phone Line, where you can speak confidentially with someone who understands and can offer the help and support you need.
Resources
Australian Banking Association.Safe and Savvy: a guide to help older people avoid, abuse scams and fraud. . https://www.ausbanking.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Safe-and-Savvy-2021-Web.pdf (Accessed 8 July 2025)
The Law Society (UK) Close to home:spotting elder abuse. https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/topics/blogs/close-to-home-spotting-elder-abuse (Accessed 8 July 2025)