Sex, Age and Other Taboos: The Joys (and Logistics) of Intimacy Later in Life

Mention sex after sixty and watch the room tighten faster than a hip replacement. We can talk about cholesterol, cruise itineraries and grandchildren till the rosé runs dry — but say desire and suddenly everyone’s fascinated by the salad dressing.

Yet, quietly — or not so quietly — older adults are rewriting the script. The truth? Sex after sixty can be just as fulfilling, sometimes more so, because it’s less about performance and more about pleasure, curiosity, and connection.

The Unmentionable: Older People Have Sex

Yes, really. They have it in caravans, retirement villages, long-term relationships, short-term flings, and sometimes — shock horror — with multiple partners. The taboo around older adults and sex says more about our cultural hang-ups than about the realities of ageing bodies.

Desire doesn’t have an expiry date. It evolves. Hormones may fluctuate, joints may creak, but intimacy can deepen. The real problem isn’t biology — it’s invisibility. Society doesn’t like to picture older people as sexual beings, which is ironic given how much experience they bring to the table.

Choice: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Some people find new energy after divorce or bereavement. Others explore same-sex relationships, ethical non-monogamy, or toy with the idea of toys. And some decide they’ve graduated from sex altogether and would rather have a good cup of tea and an early night.

Whatever the preference, the rule is the same: respect it. Sexual autonomy doesn’t retire with your superannuation.

When Your Partner’s Spark Flickers

Desire mismatches can happen at any age, but they sting more when they sneak up after decades together. If your partner seems disinterested, don’t assume rejection — assume complexity.

Sometimes the culprit is medical (medications, pain, hormones). Sometimes it’s emotional (stress, anxiety, or grief). Talk about it without judgment or pressure. A good GP or sex therapist can help — and no, they won’t faint.

Reframing intimacy helps too. There’s a lot to be said for affection without expectation. Sometimes, a hand on the back at breakfast says “I love you” more clearly than a grand night in bed.

Silver Tinder and the STI Plot Twist

Here’s something worth pencilling between bridge club and yoga: STIs are rising fastest among over-60s. Turns out, confidence, freedom, and post-menopausal bliss can come with unexpected paperwork.

Condoms and dental dams aren’t relics of the past — they’re the new vintage essentials. And if you’re dating again, or perhaps engaging in what doctors affectionately call serial monogamy (one exclusive relationship at a time, with minimal cooling-off periods), it’s smart to book a regular check-in with your GP.

Think of it as a sexual health service — like an oil change, but with better conversation and no invoice for spark plugs.

• Health Direct: Find a sexual health clinic near you

• Better Health Victoria: STI prevention and testing

Flirting with Life

Sexy at seventy might look different — a shared laugh, a long cuddle, a spontaneous weekend, or finally saying exactly what you want without blushing.

Because here’s the real taboo: not that older people have sex, but that we still act surprised when they do.

Or, as one 82-year-old woman put it with enviable mischief:

“The trick is to never stop flirting with life.”

And honestly, that’s a philosophy worth taking to bed.