What to Do if You’re Estranged from Family When Someone Dies

When someone in your family dies, things can be complicated—especially if you’ve been estranged. You may worry about whether you have a right to know what’s in their will, or how to even find it if you’re not in contact with the rest of the family. Here are some key steps:

Find out if there is a will

• A will is usually kept with the person’s solicitor, in their personal papers at home, or in safe custody with their bank.
• In some states, wills can be lodged with the Probate Office or Supreme Court. Once probate is granted, the will becomes a public document. You can search probate records here:
  • Victoria Supreme Court Probate Online
  • NSW Online Probate Notices
  • Queensland Supreme Court Probate Search
  • South Australia Probate Registry
  • Western Australia Probate Search
  • Tasmania Probate Registry
  • ACT Probate
  • Northern Territory Probate

Who has the will?

• The person named as the executor holds the will and is responsible for applying for probate.
• If you are a beneficiary or someone who would be entitled if there were no will (called intestacy), you have the legal right to inspect and get a copy of the will.

What if you can’t find the will or don’t know if you’re a beneficiary?

• If you can’t locate the will, you can check with the state probate registry to see if probate has been granted. If so, you can access a copy of the will directly from the court.
• If no probate application has been lodged yet, you may need to approach local solicitors in the area where the person lived, as they often hold wills for clients.

When you’re estranged from the family

• If you’ve been estranged for a long time, your relatives may know little about you, your achievements, or how your life has changed. If you were once a child or adolescent carer, the younger siblings you looked after may have no memory of your sacrifices. From their perspective, they may see you as someone who left—and unresolved anger can sometimes drive them to be fierce in preventing you from benefiting from the estate.
• This emotional undercurrent often explains why estranged family members are excluded or why executors may resist sharing information. But feelings don’t override the law: your entitlement to inspect a will is a legal right, not something that can be blocked by family pressure.

What if the family won’t tell you anything?

• Even if relatives try to shut you out, executors (and their lawyers) are required to provide a copy of the will to eligible people who request it.
• If you’re being ignored, you can write formally to the executor or their solicitor demanding access. If you don’t know who that is, keep an eye on the probate registry for a filing.

What if you’re left out?

• Even if you’re not named in the will, you may be able to challenge it under family provision laws, which allow certain relatives—including estranged children in some cases—to claim if they have been left without proper provision.
• Keep in mind that strict time limits apply (as little as 6–12 months after probate is granted).

Get advice early

• Because the rules differ between states and circumstances, getting legal advice early is the best way to understand your options.

________________________________________________________________________

Additional Resource – Template Letter to Request a Copy of a Will

If you believe you may be entitled to see the will, you can use wording like this when writing to the executor or their solicitor:

[Your Name]
[Your Address]
[Date]

Dear [Executor’s Name / Solicitor’s Name],

I am writing regarding the estate of [Deceased’s Full Name], who died on [Date of Death].

I believe I am entitled to inspect and receive a copy of the last will of the deceased, under the relevant succession legislation:

• Succession Act 2006 (NSW), section 54
• Administration and Probate Act 1958 (Vic), section 50
• Succession Act 1981 (Qld), section 33Z
• Wills Act 1936 (SA), section 14A
• Wills Act 1970 (WA), section 40
• Wills Act 2008 (Tas), section 63
• Administration and Probate Act 1929 (ACT), section 32
• Wills Act 2000 (NT), section 54

Please provide me with a copy of the will at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,
[Your Signature]
[Your Contact Details]

________________________________________________________________________

Additional Resources – Practical Tips

Keep a paper trail – save copies of every letter, email, and court search.

Check probate records weekly – new filings are published regularly.

Act quickly – strict time limits apply for contesting wills (as little as 6–12 months after probate).

Don’t rely on family communication (if any) – base your information on official sources, not what others choose to tell you.

Seek legal advice early – even one consultation can clarify whether you have grounds to make a claim.

Be prepared to explain the history or make a statement about your relationship with the deceased. This may be distressing for some.

Look after yourself – inheritance disputes can reopen old wounds. Support from a counsellor or trusted friend can help you navigate both the legal and emotional fallout.