What to Watch for when Something Doesn’t Feel Right about Mum or Dad

Every Saturday, Sophie brought her dad a meal, and after lunch they’d stroll to his beloved pond to watch the ducks. When asked about his health, he’d always announce with gusto that he was “fit and rearing to go”. Sophie believed him — until one Saturday everything felt suddenly different.

He couldn’t (or wouldn’t) leave his favourite armchair. He refused tea. He shook his head even at water. He was silent. Sophie was shocked—and overwhelmed with guilt. What signs of his decline had she missed? And how?

An elderly parent’s decline to frailty can feel sudden. Most of the time there are early clues. Here’s how to recognise them—and when to act.

What is frailty?

A person who is frail is less able to “bounce back” after, say, an infection even a minor infection or a significant event like a fracture resulting from a fall. The good news is that you can lower your risk of frailty. Early detection and intervention are the best ways to prevent frailty from progressing. Watch this video from the Australian Frailty Network to learn more.

Early warning signs to look out for

• Mobility changes: slowing down, dragging feet, needing support to walk. If someone who used to go for walks now avoids them, that’s a red flag.
• Eating and drinking less: skipping meals, refusing food or drink—even water. Small, gradual changes in weight or appetite add up.
• Withdrawal or mood shifts: becoming quiet, disengaged, avoiding conversation or activities they used to enjoy.
• Self-care dropping off: less interest in personal hygiene, home tidiness, wearing clean clothes.
• Memory, thinking or speech issues: repeating the same questions, seeming confused, or struggling to hold a conversation.

These align with the guidance in Fit for Frailty from the British Geriatrics Society.

Take action

• If there is a sudden change (like refusing all fluids, or being unable to speak or move), don’t wait — seek medical help immediately.
• Even if changes are gradual but persistent (weight loss, increasing fatigue, unsteadiness), schedule an appointment with your GP.

What to do if you feel you’ve missed something

• It’s natural to feel guilt—but decline often creeps in subtly. You will never be expected to notice every change. Anyway, aren’t you already doing your utmost to take care of Mum or Dad? Give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself.
• Keep a log or diary: appetite, mood, mobility, water intake — noting even small changes will help you to see patterns.
• Lean on support: siblings, friends, community health services. You don’t have to carry it alone. Ask for help when you need it.
• Be proactive: insist on medical review, ask about frailty tools, explore what home or community supports might help.

Handy Hint

Store your observations about Mum or Dad’s health in one our secure chests on www.securemytreasures.com. Authorise your siblings to also access your observations so that can stay up to date or share with your GP if you are not available.