How to spot inheritance impatience
That old bag. I wish she’d just hurry up and die. I’ve earned my inheritance, I can tell you that. Let’s just hope she doesn’t leave it all to the church.”
These were the venomous words of a woman who, on the surface, seemed nothing but dutiful — a loving daughter caring for her aging mother. Her mother, now confined to a nursing home, was unaware of the betrayal brewing beneath the surface. The daughter she trusted to help her with every fragile step of her daily routine — the daughter she once doted on — was quietly tallying up her future gain. Behind the soft clinking of teacups and the slow shuffle to afternoon meals, her “devoted” caregiver was already calculating the windfall to come, hiding her true thoughts behind a pleasant smile.
As our population lives longer, adult children are often waiting longer for their inheritance. For some, the struggle to buy or upgrade a family home becomes the catalyst for uncomfortable conversations around the dinner table: “Well, he’s 90 now. How much longer do you think he’ll live?”
From there, talk can shift to health, longevity, and, ultimately, how much money the older person has — and where it might be kept.
What might begin as an innocent conversation can slide into a plan to plead, pressure, or even bully an older person into handing over some or all of their assets while they are still alive. This is deeply distressing for the older person, especially if they believe their relative truly loves and cares for them. Even when they sense something is wrong, many hand over their money or assets just to preserve the relationship, rather than demand their children or relatives wait until after they pass away.
This is inheritance impatience. And it is a form of financial elder abuse.
An inheritance is a gift left in a will, to be distributed after death. It does not come with a debit card for early or frequent withdrawals to fund the lifestyles of demanding relatives. No one is entitled to receive an inheritance.
It is theft to pressure any person to hand over their money or assets before they die, or to illegally transfer assets into someone else’s name. It is a crime to forge a signature to access those assets.
“They were going to give it to me anyway. They’re just giving it to me earlier. They’re not spending it,” is neither an acceptable excuse nor a justification. When a very-much-alive benefactor later laments, “I didn’t want to give them anything now, but I was forced to,” that is a clear sign of elder abuse.
Watch out, too, for relatives you haven’t seen in decades — or the children of a deceased partner with whom you have no relationship — who suddenly turn up offering to “help” you manage your money.
Elder abuse destroys families. Inheritance impatience and any form of elder abuse causes distress and anxiety, harming both mental and physical health. Even if you give in to these demands, your relationship with the perpetrators will likely change. How can you trust them? Are they going through your belongings? Are you safe in your own home?
If you are suspicious of someone’s intentions, try to document their visits: note their arrival and departure times, what they asked for, where they went in the house, and whether they took anything. If you can, hide these notes securely.
If you are asked for a loan or a gift of money or assets, do not respond on the spot. Take your time. Do not commit to a decision date. Avoid arguments.
If you do choose to lend or give money, never give cash. Keep a record of the date, amount, and to whom you gave it.
Do not wait for things to get worse before seeking confidential help, advice, and support. Call the National Elder Abuse Phone Line now.